Dog Whistle Translation of David Harbour’s SAD Speech

I know it’s hard to understand what progressives are actually saying nowadays so I’ve translated Harbour’s sermon for your convenience: 

“I would like to say that in light of Trump it’s easy to celebrate the already celebrated Stephen Kingberg’s Nostalgic Things but this award from you who take your pretending with inordinate $s and persevere in deluding yourselves, like me, that pretending for a few seconds at a time is great acting and that this changes the world when actually it’s the world that changes us is a call to nothing from our fellow pretender men & women to go nowhere and through our pretending to promote groundless fear, self centeredness, and the exclusivity of our narcissistic culture and through our pretending to cultivate a hate filled and ignorant society revealing obvious and boring truths that serve as an enabling reminder to folks that when they are lazy and cowardly and addicted they are not alone. We are all codependent in that we are all Harambe and that we are all trapped on this horrible, painful, joyless, and boring ride that is called Harambe!Now as we promote season two we fictional midwesterners will help bullies! We will shelter criminals! We will buy bigger homes! We will continue to tell lies!We will be monsters!

And when we are at a loss to become bigger hypocrites we will lie that certain institutions are violent and then we will punch those institutions when they seek to do their jobs!

And we will do all these terrible things with brain (because we don’t believe in souls) and emotion (because that’s all we have) and with orgasm (because we have no joy so we just get what we can)!

We thank you for this irresponsibility!”

 Man…I liked Stranger Things…I’m a bit surprised to find out Harbour is such a huge douche. I guess that’s why it’s called the Screen Actor’s Douche…


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